Ugh…potty training. Most people dread it. I guess it’s because it seems like a monumental task. What if we broke it down into small steps? What if we embraced the idea that potty training really isn’t any different than teaching our children to use a spoon, walk, or talk?? Wild, right?! But it really is just another one of those parenting tasks we all go through.
I’m not an expert potty trainer. I do not hold a certification in using the potty or teaching anyone how to use the toilet. I have, however, potty trained a bunch of babes. I have six of my own kiddos and I’ve run an in-home daycare a number of times and worked in preschools, all which have included the duties of potty training. I don’t follow a specific book or potty training philosophy. If you’ve read something that resonates with you, GO FOR IT! If you’re just getting started and you’re feeling overwhelmed, lend an ear. Maybe this will spark the motivation to begin.
So, let’s break it down – Potty Training 1-2-3
#1 – Find Your Child’s CURRENCY
Once your child starts to show signs that they’re ready to learn how to use the potty (this is a whole other topic we can discuss later!), you’ll need to figure out his/her currency. What is currency, you ask?! It’s what makes your kiddos pay attention. You’ll first need to determine what motivates your little one. You’ll need this important information for positive behavior reinforcement. We want to reward the actions we want to see repeated. Sounds simple enough, right?? So, think about what makes your child happy. Are they motivated by spending time with you or having a special privilege? Are they externally motivated, meaning they like to work towards a goal like filling up a sticker chart which earns them a reward? Or maybe they need instant gratification like a jelly bean or m&m. My suggestion is to start small. Reward each attempt. Your currency will change as your child grows and begins to master this new skill.
#2 – COMMIT to the Cause
Once you’ve decided to start potty training, follow through with it. Potty training, in my opinion, takes time. You will need to commit to the entire process. This is work. Some days it’s hard work. Some days it’s a breeze. Every day it will take commitment to work on mastering this new skill. I like to think of potty training as a group effort. You’re training yourself to help your child learn about using the toilet as much as you’re training your child to go on the potty. Commit to the cause.
#3 – Give Lots of GRACE
You will have days when potty training is on point. Awesome! You’ll also have days that feel like you’re back to square one and that it’s just not working. That’s normal. Have grace! Your little one made a huge mess many times before they learned how to get the food from the bowl, onto the spoon, and into their tiny mouths. Many messes were made. Your child didn’t learn to talk in one day. It’s a process that’s revisited, practiced, and encouraged everyday. Walking requires skills to be learned and strength to be gained even before the first step is taken. It’s the same with potty training. GIVE GRACE. Laughter and love are your best reinforcements. Commit to beginning again, and again, and again with grace…shower them with grace, bath in it. You’re going to need a lot of it – for yourself as well as for your child.
Potty Training in 3 Easy Steps
What does this actually look like?? I believe there’s a small window of receptivity at age two years. Grab that window! Undies are traditional gifts given at all of our two year old’s birthdays. We make a huge deal about it. We’ve already been planting the seeds of curiosity for the past few months as our toddlers are natural learners. They want to do everything we’re doing, right?! Use that!! If that window has passed, no worries. Keep moving forward. When the next window of opportunity presents itself, take advantage of it.
Then, we waited for the right timing to start. Our babies birthdays span May – October, making the summer months the ideal time to start potty training. The warmer months allow for less clothing worn which means less laundry. We played outside often. During the colder months, we played in the kitchen a lot, where the floors were easily cleaned. I’m all for go-commando potty training. Let them be free! Remember less mess. But it’s also an important anatomy lesson as well. Toddlers are smart!! They will notice right away where the potty is coming from. This is important. Once they understand how things work, they’ll begin to understand how it makes them FEEL. That’s an important lesson.
Set a timer to remind yourself to take your little one to the bathroom. Remember, you’re training yourself as much as you’re training your babe. I start with every hour. Once I can determine how long in between potties each individual child can stay dry, I start to personalize the timer. I want them to be successful. If I determine that my child empties his bladder every 45 minutes, I’ll set the time to 40 minutes so that when he tries to potty he’s more likely to have success. Positive reinforcement.
Our reward system starts simply. Tiny candies are perfect for beginning potty training. We kept a gumball machine filled with m&ms in the bathroom. Everytime he tried, he got an m&m. If he pottied in the pot, he got another one. Easy. Remember, we want this to be fun. We celebrate every time the timer goes off. We celebrate every time we sit and try. We celebrate every time something goes in the pot. Positive reinforcement. Your attitude about the timer, trying, and going potty makes all the difference in your child’s attitude about potty training. Remember, they’re watching you. If you’re not on-board, they won’t be on-board for long either. So, put on your happy face, stifle the heavy sighs that you’re trying to potty AGAIN and that the timer seemed to go way too fast this last time. Do NOT roll those eyes! LOL Celebrate the process, just like you did when they were smearing carrots in their hair. It’s a learning process.
Your rewards will change as your child’s potty training progress matures. Once they’ve mastered the trying and going with immediate gratification, their currency will change. No longer will the tiny candy cut it. This is when a sticker chart or more structured reward system comes to play. We’ve used a treasure box at the end of the day, a sticker chart that takes more than one day to finish, and finally a larger weekly reward. The currency changes as your child masters the concepts. Think of it like weaning a child off the breast or bottle. At first, you help them get used to the idea by introducing one change, eliminating or changing one feeding. Then, you help them develop a new habit or ritual by allowing for more feedings to be dropped or changed. Finally, your child has learned a new normal and a milestone is hit. You’re all on your way to the next stage of growing up.
Potty training takes time. It takes commitment and hard work. By finding your child’s currency, the process is rewarded in their own learning language and received as best as possible. Each child is different. While each one will grow and mature at their own pace, there seems to be a general path that most children follow. Give lots of grace as you discover your child’s unique timeline. Some will potty train by two. Some won’t. All will learn in their own time. Come alongside your babe and join the process. It’s really not that scary!
